Delivery.

My family had our first ever group photo taken.  17 people in white and blue, plus one red.  It was a perfect evening, with the exceptional sun dropping into night.  Afterward the whole clan came back to my house for dinner.  I tossed some apps on the table and then snuck into the office and ordered pizza for delivery.  Four 18" pizzas, ready in 45-60 minutes.  I thought better of the delivery timing after I hung up; so called back to tell them I would pick it up.

My sister drove me to the pizza place.  I hopped out of the car to get the food.  I entered and the girl at the front desk asked, "Can I help you?"  I said, "Yes, I'd like to pick up my order for Mel" She typed at the computer bee.boo.bah.boo.bee.bo.  No order for Mel.  She said, "What is your phone number?"  She typed again at the computer bee.boo.bah.boo.bee.bo.  No order for that number.  I said, "Remember, I called it in for delivery and then called right back and changed my mind to pick up?"  She looked at me as if I had three eyeballs.  She said, "Let me ask Roy if he took your order."  I knew he hadn't because I spoke to a girl.  She stepped into the kitchen and spoke with Roy and another girl.  Maybe it was that girl.  I was starting to panic; 15 hungry people were waiting at my house for pizza that hadn't even been made yet because these idiots confused my order in the order taking process.  I thought, "Don't get mad. It'll be fine."

Roy and the girl returned and he asked, "So you ordered for delivery but now you are here and want it for pick up?"  I said, "No, I called the order in for delivery but then called right back and said I wanted to pick it up so it would be faster."  He said, "What is your name?"  He typed, Mel.  No order for her.  He tried my phone number.  No order for that.  He said, "Ok... well. We do not have your order...so..."

I said, "That can't be! I ordered four 18" pizzas, one with cheese, one with..." The girl interrupted me.  She said, "Wait. What did you say you ordered?" I repeated, "F.O.U.R. 18" PIZZAS."  She smiled, "Ok, well you should go next door to FRANCO'S PIZZA.  This is Hong Kong Cuisine."

So I'm the idiot.  

Over my tears of hysterical laughter, the kind girl at the counter at Franco's Pizza asked, "Are you ok?"  I replied, "Yes, the Chinese spot next door didn't have my pizzas."  She chuckled and said, "That happens all the time..."  No it doesn't, but thanks.  I had just gotten myself together when a strong brut of a guy appeared carrying four very large pizza boxes my way.  I said, "Oh THANK YOU!"  I went to grab them from him and he said, "No, I'll help you carry them out."

I pointed to my sister's car, still grinning ear to ear and then opened the back seat door for him.  He stepped one foot off the sidewalk and bent forward to place the pizza in the car.  Then he farted.  Then I looked at his butt because he had just farted and I was in absolute disbelief that this pizza pick-up was going soooo terribly wrong.  It only made it worse to look at the butt that had just farted - because his pants weren't well fitted and his hairy butt crack appeared below his shirt tail.

You see.  It's like this: delivery.  Just get delivery.